Whirlwind Weeks

So many latest developments, I feel like I should put 'em down in point form and then I'll have done with them and cleared my head at the same time. So, in between working nights and weekends (Does T-mobile have a "free daytime" plan? Well, it won't work... I work days too.) and spending hours more in the lab these weeks, I've registered two new arrivals to the US and marked a few anniversaries too. (Good? Bad? I haven't decided yet.)

My birthday this year came and went, and the less said about that time, the better it is. I'll have to deal with it all when I go to India next anyway so I'm doing a good job of pretending, for now, that all's well... and I do hope that things actually clear up in time. I've marked my belief / acceptance / non-acceptance of his demise with a series of nightmares, the last of which was going home and finding out that he's there, and Piggie saying "Oh yes, he was always there, who told you he's gone?" Yes, I do have a lot of uphill work the next time I visit home.

Then, there was the 30th of July, my bloggiversary, though I didn't realize it on that day. Two years in this virtual world. I'm glad.

Very shortly after, I marked the anniversary of the day I got here... 'here' meaning the US. Five years. In the light of all that has happened in the last five years, I've realized that as positive as this decision has been in terms of my career, it has also been tough in terms of the people I left behind - and (even though I hope not) will continue to get tougher as the years go on.

Enter a 'new' 'family member'. Fi's little sister, Di, is here. She got here around ten days ago. I'm in NY right now, helping Fi and Di move to their new place which is a lot closer to the city and with fabulous downtown views... when I wasn't unpacking, I was sitting by the window watching the skyline of Manhattan and reading Maximum City: Bombay - savoring a tantalizing bit of both my worlds, so to speak. Fi's place has always been more 'home' than Chicago is for me, and now that he has family here too, I feel even more 'comfortable', in some ways. Weird.

One other anniversary that I mention just to mark it - the anniversary of my move to Chicago. Three years closer to my eventual career goal. Time will tell how much this decision had given me, versus how much it has cost.

Finally, Ananymous is here!!! I was so thrilled when I went to the airport to get her that I couldn't sit still for a second of the hour that we were waiting for her! End of a road, so to speak, and the start of another journey. She's here in NY too... another reason for frequent trips.

Well, got to go. Running late. Consequences of blogging first thing in the morning, leaving work aside. Ouch.

Rafiki's Lament

This picture says a thousand words and more, to me and to the ones I'm thinking of right now.

It's been more than ten days. It was impossible to believe till I actually read the obituary notice, but I've learnt that acceptance and all those other things I mentioned in my last post do not automatically follow belief. There's a sense of semi-anger (against the world in general), there's a sense of isolation born from the fact that I'm several thousand miles away from where I want to be right now, there's a powerful sense of injustice about this entire thing. And I'm working through it all. If anything, the workload's grown... which, I guess, is a good thing. It's like there's this veil between me and the everyday world I'm living in... so I come across as my usual self to the people around me all day; but in the evening, when the lamps are lit and the work's over and when most others are putting up their feet and relaxing, I'm grappling with a single-word question:

WHY?

I, who always have words of courage and solace for almost every one in pain or fear, have none now for myself or my family. I still don't know what to say. I'm still aware that words cannot fill the sudden abyss and mine still sound rehearsed and hollow.

But, Rafiki does mourn. Rafiki mourns - but, mutely.