This Ophidiophobe's Rant

So, yesterday there was that horribly scary news article about the escaped snake. Egyptian Cobra. Bronx zoo. Still missing. And, oh, by the way, venom glands still in place.

Today, the zoo followed up with some more details. The cobra is highly venomous (what a surprise!), female, and an "adolescent". Wait ... what? I can do this type of math! You're telling me there's a snake on the loose. Then you say she's female (a.k.a., high E.Q.) AND in that stage of her life when her "feelings" are driving her crazy!? Even if we assume she's a particularly rational and sensible specimen, we cannot deny that she's probably swinging back and forth from mild prosecution mania ("Nobody loves me!") to raging teenager-isms ("I hate you! I hate you all!!"). To add to this mix, she's also -- literally -- poisonous.

O-kay... .

While the reptile keepers are trying hard to convince everybody that she'll turn up eventually (when she starts getting hungry enough to eat a Summer, apparently), I am panicking in Chicago, seven hundred miles away. It's so easy for a little creature to hitch a ride to wherever she wants to be! I'm having trouble stretching my legs out under the desk, I keep feeling my skin prickle under my trousers, and I cannot walk past (or under) anything without a sharp look for odd "swinging twigs". I keep my legs tucked up and under me whenever possible, look over my shoulder all the time, and watch out for sudden unexplained movements out of the corner of my eye. It's amazing how many sudden unexplained movements occur in an "everyday" day! I just cannot wait until they find the snake (hopefully nowhere close to me or mine). I know it's just one more snake loose in the city, but hey, if they find her, there will be one less emotionally disturbed, homeless teenager with ammunition on the streets, right?!

Update on March 31st 2011: The snake has been recaptured, after six days on the loose. I'm not saying anything, lest it's "too soon".