Us Vs. Them

When I first came to this school, one of the 'advantages' I was promptly informed of was that there was a sizeable desi population here. And, indeed, not only in the college, but around the train stations, the Mile, the supermarkets, I'd be bumping into someone 'cast into a mould like mine'. On the day of the formal introduction to this school, "Orientation Day", I was introduced to an Indian girl in my department, who went somewhat like, oh, I'm so glad I finally found someone I can hang out with, and seemed visibly excited, so much so that I was feeling guilty that I wasn't really that interested in hanging out with her. I'm the non-social one, in my most affable moments, I just about succeed in playing the "I'm apart, but still a part" part. And that too, far from perfectly.

Anyway, so for a few days, we exchanged notes in class, talked about homework, and, in general, were as chummy as it is possible for me to be with a total stranger that I have no intention of really getting to know. After a while I realized that in associating with her, I was spending one-half of my time in class with people who conglomerated to speak a language I didn't even understand, and talked about subjects I wouldn't even have any interest in. Gradually, within a couple of weeks, I excused myself from that company, and went my own way. I still have no people I can call friends in this school, in the department or within the classes I take, but I got friendlier with the others... there was this Cyprian guy that I hung out with for a while, a girl from Spain who was studying as well as working, a lot of the South-East Asians that you inevitably find along with us Indians in engineering courses, and others that I'd associate with in the bus or in the cafeteria ("Hey, you're --- engineering too? You're from --- country?! Wow, that's a coincidence, my cousin did her PhD on something there!", followed by a most interesting discussion), like intermittent sensory specks in a comatose day. Meanwhile, I'd go home in the bus sometimes, smiling at the way two comparative strangers greeted each other once they realized they were both from the same state, or spoke the same language and were from the same cultural background. It has consistently amused me that I tend to run away (or at least, treat warily) people from my cultural background as much as they try to hold on to others of the same background.

Here, I'm going to pause and say, for the record, that I'm not one of those who thinks any less of my country or my countrypeople just because I'm now in a different world. I love my country, if possible, even more than before, and I miss the people I used to be in touch with when I was home. And moreover, I don't think it's just a desi thing. Each person tends to mix with the kind of people he/she feels most comfortable with. And yes, culture does have a lot to do with feeling comfortable. It's just that with "US", culture isn't the most important thing. Intellect is. Talent is. I actually realize I feel a bond with my littlest Nigerian room-mate even though I've known her only two months, I recognize in her a thinking person, a capable person, and I respect that. I guess my comfort comes from the fact that the person I'm interacting with has qualities I admire, that I try to cultivate in myself.

With "THEM", on the other hand, almost the first question you're asked is, say, are you from South India/Delhi/Bombay? Or, do you like Hindi film songs? Can you be cool (i.e., bindaas)? Do you speak this language? Are you married? Don't you think Sindhis/Malayalis/Bombayites are awful? Join in if you answered yes, and if not, well.... you'll see the disapproval. You'll know they prefer someone "safe", someone conventional, someone around whom they need not think. Not my criteria at all.

I don't know why I should launch into this, except that today I passed by the girl I met at Orientation. I averted my eyes. She averted hers. Then I thought better of it, she must've too. So I smiled the smile I reserve for strangers, she muttered the hello she reserved for them. And we walked past each other on the street.