Closure

It might seem a little crude to compare exchanges between humans to financial transactions between two parties, but that is exactly what it is like. You see, an account exists between any two humans who come into contact with each other at any point in their lives. That account consists of time spent together, memories, love and hate and anger and all the other emotions that go into a relationship... sometimes it is give-and-take on both sides, sometimes it is only one person's turn to give, and another's to take. In any event, as we humans begin to acquire an understanding of the other person in the transaction, it becomes clearer how long that relationship will last. Usually, we are a lot more prepared than we think we would be to see the end of that transaction. Sometimes it is the mutual out-growing of one with respect to the other, sometimes it is distance, and most often, death. But we can see the signs... people move across continents, or people grow older or feebler or more ill... and if you're observant, you know that soon it will be time to say goodbye - in one way or another. You start to spend less or more time with that person, start to tie up loose ends, start to have exchanges of information that, you both know, are contributing to the dissolution of the partnership. Oftentimes those aren't pretty, but they're essential, and they help to give a fitting sense of closure to the relationship.

Sometimes, though, and hopefully not too often, a transaction ends rather too suddenly. Someone breaks away from the transaction without a word ... of farewell or anything else. To be fair, it sometimes isn't even the person's fault that he left. Maybe he didn't see the signs, and neither did you. Maybe there were no signs to see. But the other person in the deal is left ... hanging ... knowing rather than feeling that this is the end, that there will be no formal closure, but not able to believe or accept the end of the relationship. The whole gamut of emotions is run through, in a minute or over days. Shock marks the start of the discovery, it is usually followed by an unbelievably sharp, almost physical, pain; anger, fear and disbelief precede and succeed pain; and it takes a while to reach the stage of acceptance, forgiveness or understanding.

I'm sure there are many in this situation at any given moment on this planet, and I know that for many the journey out is not easy, or even possible. In the not-so-distant past, it would have been, in my understanding, theoretically as simple as the dissolution of any other partnership. But today, things have changed. Even as I personally mourn the sudden loss of someone who no-one thought would leave, I feel an incredible pain on behalf of his immediate 'budding' family, and hope that, in time, the anger and the tears and the gut-wrenching all-encompassing pain give way to a sense of peace and a future that is, in reality, as secure as the times before today seemed to be.

And even as I write this, I am aware of how inadequate words are to express thought... and how hollow and cliche some of mine sound. But they'll have to do - the pain is too still too close and too strong for me to do any better.

"Shower-Shower"

I happened to catch last evening's America's Got Talent, along with my roommates. One of the hopefuls was an Indian man dressed "Bollywood-wedding-style", who said he was going to dance to a song from Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. And then, next thing you know, we were listening to "Roop hai tera sona-sona..." and watching another Big-B hopeful grab his one minute in the spotlight.

Well, the funny thing occurred once the guy walked off the stage. My littlest (non-Indian) roommate found the beats attractive and the words "interesting", and started to sing the only line she thought she had correct. Guess what we heard her sing all evening?

"Everybody, Shower-Shower!"

Kids Do The Darndest Things!

I just called Piglet up for our weekly conversation, and she was hard at work teaching my 5-year old nephew spelling for tomorrow's test at school. Our short conversation was punctuated with "Now, Z, spell 'banana'." and things like that. Then,

Piglet: Z, write the spelling of "little" two times, and say it out loud as you're writing it.

Z: L-L-I-I-T-T-T-T-L-...

Me: Pig, I'll call you in a bit, I HAVE to go blog NOW!!

The glass is half-empty...

I'd had a conversation with a friend the last time our birthdays came around (within days of each other), about how birthdays are stock-taking time of our lives. She was upset about not having done some things before a certain age, I was upset about others. We talked, ranted, consoled each other. And then I remember blogging about struggling between the terms 'mid-' and 'late-' twenties... and all that goes along with those labels.

Today is that friend's birthday, and I sent her an email to wish her. One of the last few posts on her blog shows that she is still a bit preoccupied with her annual stock-taking. So, in my email, I very wisely mentioned that she should take stock of all her accomplishments too... all that brought her here and all that she has - starting with a loyal, loving family, a good job, living a stone's throw away from one of the greatest cities on earth, etc. I ended with... "enjoy your day. You've earned it."

I'm sure I'll fail dismally short of the optimistic mark on my birthday... if anything, things get more complicated at this end. Someone, anyone, please remind me to practise what I preach!

Rowling Wins Again

I, like hundreds of others, have pre-ordered my copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, from the Borders store in downtown Chicago. Then, a few weeks ago, plans changed, and I realized I'd be out of town that weekend. So, yesterday I pre-ordered another copy of Deathly Hallows at one of the Borders stores in NYC.

And then, I spent last night tossing and turning and having restless dreams about running from store to store looking for Deathly Hallows, and consistently being given one of the following reasons why I couldn't get my book:
(1) I hadn't pre-ordered my copy at the store I was at,
(2) I was at a Borders Express/Waldenbooks store, which doesn't pre-order books, and
(3) I was at Starbucks, not Borders.

I'm really beginning to miss those dreams where I'm cowering somewhere in the nude, with people staring at me. That was a simpler world - at least I knew what that meant. And, it doesn't help that I'm nearly 27 and still Actively Worrying about Harry Potter??!!