Breaking News
So here's the big decision at my end:
I Terminated Things With My PhD Advisor.
I've put up with a whole bunch of verbal abuse and mental harassment from him in the last three years. He has demoralized me enough for me to not seek alternative solutions earlier, all on the mistaken premise that it's my fault so I deserve it. He has never allowed me to grow as I ought and has pushed me down any time I try to rise. Because of him, I have suffered from clinical depression for years, and several more tangible illnesses (like migraines, etc.) as a result. He has upset me by consistently walking into the Womens' Restroom when I'm inside and has made me work much harder just because I have not received any form of financial aid from him even though I've been working for really long with him... so I've had to find other means of financial survival in order to work with him. (For the record, he has an active $1.5 million grant.)
I was supposed to give my proposal defense sometime next month and contacted the HoD (who is on my Committee) for it on Monday. I had a really successful meeting with him and got back to the lab, expecting, if not to be lauded, at least not to be harassed. I was wrong. I was worried for four hours continuously by my advisor. I was ordered to start and finish writing a paper in the next two days, my flash drive was checked on the allegation that I had breached security code by talking to the HoD about research related to the lab, I was demeaned and told that he 'was considering making (me) leave the lab' for breaching lab security. I was pressured to sign a statement which, in effect, said that none of the scientific property in the lab belongs to me and I cannot use it at my discretion and need his permission for pretty much everything.
So, the next day, I spoke to the HoD about everything. He has promised me his full support and advised me strongly to terminate things with this individual. He has suggested several other people I can work with and has promised to recommend me to them and make sure I'm comfortable in my new environment. I spoke my parents, my little lawyer-sister Piggie, and Fi, and to some colleagues in the University to help me decide. I have made sure that everything at my end is legal. At the same time, this afternoon, I also sent a polite email to my advisor terminating my work with him, stating no reason; and copied it to the HoD and to the Director of Graduate Studies in the Department. He, on the contrary, seems to be getting nervous about what I might say. He has called me seven times in the last 36 hours to reconcile. He is trying to get to talk to me, but I have been told by Everyone that any communication I make should be with witnesses and written only, so I have not taken any of his calls. His voicemails have been far too polite and 'concerned-parent'-ish. He now wants to "separate appropriately", which is weird, considering that nothing he ever did in the course of our relationship was "appropriate". Green with worry, guilty conscience - call it what you will, his very change in attitude proves that the step I have taken was the right one.
And I have just won my freedom, and my life. I have asked several people (prior to taking this decision) what its consequences will be, in terms of time and my career. All the people I spoke to are actually agreed on the fact that, if I choose well this time (and given that this is the worst person most of them know, any choice is better than him), there is every chance that my PhD takes shorter from now than it would have taken with him. I do feel silly about not taking this step earlier, but it is a step involving some legal issues at this point, and as an international student, this is the biggest gamble I am taking with my life here. I am very aware of it, but I'm also very aware of the decline in my quality of life since I moved to Chicago, and, for the last two days since I have taken this decision, I am very aware of the positive attitude and self-confidence that have, once more, become a part of my life. For all those of you Atlas Shrugged fans, I just shrugged. I'm on my way to Atlantis now.
"... I'd rather die standing than live on my knees... "
-Shania Twain, Black Eyes, Blue Tears
I Terminated Things With My PhD Advisor.
I've put up with a whole bunch of verbal abuse and mental harassment from him in the last three years. He has demoralized me enough for me to not seek alternative solutions earlier, all on the mistaken premise that it's my fault so I deserve it. He has never allowed me to grow as I ought and has pushed me down any time I try to rise. Because of him, I have suffered from clinical depression for years, and several more tangible illnesses (like migraines, etc.) as a result. He has upset me by consistently walking into the Womens' Restroom when I'm inside and has made me work much harder just because I have not received any form of financial aid from him even though I've been working for really long with him... so I've had to find other means of financial survival in order to work with him. (For the record, he has an active $1.5 million grant.)
I was supposed to give my proposal defense sometime next month and contacted the HoD (who is on my Committee) for it on Monday. I had a really successful meeting with him and got back to the lab, expecting, if not to be lauded, at least not to be harassed. I was wrong. I was worried for four hours continuously by my advisor. I was ordered to start and finish writing a paper in the next two days, my flash drive was checked on the allegation that I had breached security code by talking to the HoD about research related to the lab, I was demeaned and told that he 'was considering making (me) leave the lab' for breaching lab security. I was pressured to sign a statement which, in effect, said that none of the scientific property in the lab belongs to me and I cannot use it at my discretion and need his permission for pretty much everything.
So, the next day, I spoke to the HoD about everything. He has promised me his full support and advised me strongly to terminate things with this individual. He has suggested several other people I can work with and has promised to recommend me to them and make sure I'm comfortable in my new environment. I spoke my parents, my little lawyer-sister Piggie, and Fi, and to some colleagues in the University to help me decide. I have made sure that everything at my end is legal. At the same time, this afternoon, I also sent a polite email to my advisor terminating my work with him, stating no reason; and copied it to the HoD and to the Director of Graduate Studies in the Department. He, on the contrary, seems to be getting nervous about what I might say. He has called me seven times in the last 36 hours to reconcile. He is trying to get to talk to me, but I have been told by Everyone that any communication I make should be with witnesses and written only, so I have not taken any of his calls. His voicemails have been far too polite and 'concerned-parent'-ish. He now wants to "separate appropriately", which is weird, considering that nothing he ever did in the course of our relationship was "appropriate". Green with worry, guilty conscience - call it what you will, his very change in attitude proves that the step I have taken was the right one.
And I have just won my freedom, and my life. I have asked several people (prior to taking this decision) what its consequences will be, in terms of time and my career. All the people I spoke to are actually agreed on the fact that, if I choose well this time (and given that this is the worst person most of them know, any choice is better than him), there is every chance that my PhD takes shorter from now than it would have taken with him. I do feel silly about not taking this step earlier, but it is a step involving some legal issues at this point, and as an international student, this is the biggest gamble I am taking with my life here. I am very aware of it, but I'm also very aware of the decline in my quality of life since I moved to Chicago, and, for the last two days since I have taken this decision, I am very aware of the positive attitude and self-confidence that have, once more, become a part of my life. For all those of you Atlas Shrugged fans, I just shrugged. I'm on my way to Atlantis now.
"... I'd rather die standing than live on my knees... "
-Shania Twain, Black Eyes, Blue Tears
posted by Summer Showers at
9:20 PM
1 Comments:
I hope you mean '...hope everything is going good...' because it is... :)
I hope things settle down in time, but I'm already feeling better since I've stopped going to that lab. Starting again is a little unnerving but I think it'll work out fine in the end.
By
Summer Showers, at Monday, November 05, 2007 8:56:00 PM
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